The ThinkerHow do you know when you've found the right person? This has been an age-old question; throughout the centuries people have been pondering over this and yet no one has been able to come up with a conclusive answer. We've seen scientists, philosophers, great thinkers over the span of eras discovering gravity, the circumference of the moon, inventing the telephone and countless other things that at some point were unthinkable and yet no one has even come close to answering this one simple question. Some say that if you still have to ask that question then that means you haven't found the right person. Is that it? Is that the measure? Is that the ultimate answer to this pertinent question?
Many have tried to decipher it. Books have been written. Men are from mars, women are from venus, and yet it remains a secret. If only there is a certain gauging tool, a factual answer to it, then perhaps there will be less divorces on the streets. But to this day, it remains to be one of the mysteries of the universe.
Life is the answer. Experience it and you shall see. No heads up. No hints at the beginning. Hit the road, Jack and may the force be with you.
I have had a serious relationship before. It was so serious we were already planning our retirement. So serious that when it ended I thought my life was coming to an end. And then I saw the light. I was in the middle of the tunnel. Everything was bleak. The future was nothing more than a black hole.
But suddenly there was a light. It showed me that my world was not ending; at least not yet. I scrambled my way out of the seemingly endless black hole I was falling into. The proverbial light at the end of the tunnel came to me when I was clambering for help. My lungs were screaming out for air. My eyes were suddenly able to adjust to the bleakness of it all and I saw that hope was not at a total loss after all.
And I finally managed to put the whole mess behind me. I was finally able to say "Screw you. I was not the only who messed this up. It takes two to tango. And in this case, it took two to make a crap out of the relationship." And I moved on.
But I still haven't found the answer to the question. I was not able to answer it back then and I still can't answer it now. However I found something else instead. I realized that answering that question is not the be all and end all of it.
How do you know when you've found the right person?
I am done trying to figure it out. Why waste time pondering over something that is obviously bigger than me? Something no one has managed to figure out. Who am I to answer this when I'm sure even Plato gave up on it?
So I came to the realization of something else instead.
He makes me smile when I'm sad. He makes me laugh with his jokes. He makes me cry when we fight (that's a good thing because if I don't cry then that means I don't care enough about the relationship to hurt over our arguments.). He makes me nescafe when I'm down. He takes care of my car better than I would ever bother to. He sends me prepaid credit when I'm desperately in need to make a call or send a text. He takes me to the clinic when I'm sick. He is willing to go shoe shopping with me. He insists that I lock the car before I drive off. He endures my temper tantrum. He entertains my whining. He cares enough to buy me roses that match my desk at work.
No he doesn't say I love you on a regular basis. No he doesn't write me love poems every other day. No he doesn't send me letters everyday. He doesn't even call me in the middle of the day just to say that he misses me. He doesn't come to my office with his guitar to serenade me. He doesn't take me out to a candlelit dinner by the beach. And of course he has not gotten down on one knee to propose.
But I don't care. Because the things that he actually does do are the things that is making me miss him whenever I'm not with him. They make me think of him before I go to bed at night. They make me want to be with him all the time. They make me want to blog about my feelings on a daily basis.
And the flowers sitting on my desk make coming to work less tiresome.
So who cares if i know whether or not I have found the right person?
I know I have found the person I want to be with for the rest of my life. Is he right? Who's to say that he's wrong? Right or wrong is very subjective.
Hang Tuah dan Tun Teja Datuk Laksamana Hang Tuah dalam buku Sejarah Melayu did not end up with Tun Teja. He did not even end up with Puteri Gunung Ledang. God knows who he married. Datok Chamil Wariya reported in his book that Hang Tuah had kids but there was no mention of who his wife was. Perhaps he did marry Teja. Perhaps secretly they ran off together and got hitched. Who knows? Hang Tuah definitely did not know who was right for him; apatah lagi kita ni?
No matter how long you may know a person; no matter how well you may think you know them, there's just no telling whether they are right for you or not. What you do know is whether you're comfortable with them or not. Whether they are willing to go the distance for you or not. Whether they are willing to nurse you when you are sick or not. Whether they would take the trouble to come to your aid. Whether they would tolerate your crap. Whether they would find you Ais Kacang bungkus in the middle of the night. Whether they would spend the night at the hospital to keep your ailing father company.
It's not about right or wrong. It's never about right or wrong. It's not even about time. 2 years, 5 years, 10 years, 16 years....
(kenapa I letak gambar penyanyi ni?? Hmmmm........) Sometimes you just have to know where to look. More often than not the very thing you're looking for is right there in front of you. Yes, the grass is always greener on the other side, but have you taken the time to actually look properly in your own backyard? Perhaps there's a beautiful pink rose there which is much better than what's on the other side.
"Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you"
