I Want To Break Free....

The kid has grown. Yet the adult can't seem to accept it. The kid wants to roam free but the adult wants the kid to stay a kid forever. Think I'm talking about a parent-child dilemma? Not even close! I'm talking about the me dilemma. The person born 28 years ago is now a full-grown woman, but the full-grown woman wants to remain being a kid. How do you make these two worlds work hand in hand. Not an easy feat.

Sometimes I just wish I could throw in the towel and behave like a child for the rest of my life. But biology and the ever-moving process of time doesn't allow for that. Decisions have to be made, bills paid, work done, car driven, house cleaned, money made, life lived....the list goes on and on....

How do you stau a kid and adhere to the rules of biology and grow up?

Word Play 101

Have you ever taken a second to ponder over our Malay language and some of its words? Sometimes I wonder what those people in DBP are actually doing because the way I look at it, they seem to be resting on their laurels and not doing much. Especially since information becomes informasi and globalization becomes globalisasi and the list goes on and on. But the best has got to be these two words: didemutualisasikan and diliberalisasikan. Whatever happened to dibebaskan? Doesn’t that carry the same meaning as that diliberablablabla word? Perhaps dibebaskan is just not fancy enough. I mean seriously, DBP, what the hell do you people do? Add a di and a kan and give yourselves a pat on the back for a job well done?!

What about words like serenti, pengurup and menyampah? Hahahah now this will boggle your mind, I kid you not! Just work with me for a second here. If a word begins with a se- or a pe- and me-, they are known as imbuhan hence there’s a root word in there somewhere. For example the root word for penyapu is sapu. Therefore for the three words I mentioned above, I challenge you to tell me what is their root!

Here’s my take on it….

The root word for serenti is renti (which means stop according to the northern dialect!). Serenti is a place for drug addicts (oh wait sorry, the politically correct term these days would be drug users!) so the root word renti works fine here. In short, rentikanlah isap dadah tu! Hence, serenti.

As for pengurup, that has me stumped! Could it be kurup, or urup or ngurup? Macam cakap jawa la pulak!

Menyampah literally means having had enough of someone or something to the point of hatred. So the logical root word here, according to word etymology by me 101, is sampah! You hate sampah, don’t you? So that’s where menyampah came from!

I’ll bet there are more of these words around, but you get my drift.

Back on the screen....

After a few years of staying behind the camera, I went back on screen for a short stint as the model for Adnan Othman's video clip for his song Norma. Yes, I was Norma.

Had to embody the perempuan melayu terakhir thing but I guess it turned out okay. Not too bad. Of all my past acting gigs, I was never asked to do a video clip, so this was a first. But I had a good time. We shot at Dataran Merdeka, luckily they weren't too many onlookers with the exception of a few tourists who found the whole thing amusing. The crew was nice and funny and made everything easy.

Adnan Othman was a nice man, very humble and obliging.

The heat didn't seem to bother him much. He was willing to sit in the middle of that area playing his guitar for the clip. And then we had like a little dating scene which was funny but turned out to be a lot of fun.

I must say these past few days have been quite a few firsts for me. But all in all, I enjoyed every single moment of it!!!!

My Directorial Debut!

After almost ten years of devoting myself to the exciting yet gruesome world of entertainment in this country, I finally got myself a directing gig. It wasn't much but I cherish the opportunity. A big thank you to Dreamchaser Entertainment who placed their trust in me and allowed me to direct the video clip for Azlina Aziz's Di Sini Buat Pertama Kali! (hahahah now that's what I call a freakish coincidence! But that's another story!). So there I was, last Sunday, August 16th 2009, my concept, my ideas, my directorial debut!

Initially it was supposed to be Wajah Siapakah Di Hatimu, but someone made a ruckus and insisted that it be Di Sini Buat Pertama Kali. So I scrapped the ideas I had for Wajah Siapakah and came up with brand new ones for the Pertama Kali. Simple ideas, I wasn't even sure how they would gel together, but I had faith and I decided to go ahead and just do it.

The first location was Quattro at Avenue K! Macha's place.

Felt right at home there considering I've hung out there quite a few times. Did the first scene at the stage section of the Spring Lounge. The next scene was at the Rain Pathway. Beautiful corridor made for a brilliant scene.

If Azlina was agreeable to rainwater, I would have had the management turn on the sprinklers at the pathway but never mind, the scene still came out beautifully. Then we shot an autograph mob scene at the entrance to the Spring Lounge.

I had my doubts about the male model we were using but he turned out ok on camera.

The last scene at Quattro was at the Winter Bar.

After that we went back to the studio to finish up a few more scenes there and then at 10pm it was a wrap! I was on a directing high that was beyond words. Couldn't describe how ecstatic I was!

Anyway, yesterday I went to see the editor and we sat down to finalize some adjustments. The video looked great! I mean it wasn't totally fantastic, I know I could have done better, but all things considering it turned out absolutely great! Everything just gelled together brilliantly. Thanks to John, the editor who cut it up and joined everything together nicely.

All in all, can't wait for my next gig! Azlina Aziz was extremely nice and co-operative. She was humble and obliging. Very understanding to the fact that this is my first directing job. The male model also worked out fine although I had my doubts when I first laid eyes on him. With the exception of the Wicked Witch of the West whom I completely ignored throughout the whole thing, everything went off without a hitch! Oh and of course,how can I forget, a big thank you to Terry and Ray for believing in me!

Retards!

I have always wondered why do seemingly normal people can't help themselves from parking in handicapped spots? The kesimpulan is; they are retarded. So by that logic they qualify lah! Bengang gila when they masuk ikut sedap hati ja parking kat tempat handicapped. Bukannya matter of life and death pun, setakat nak pi makan McDonalds ja! Takpun pi shopping. It's really sad when parking authorities have to resort to cordoning off the handicapped slots with chains just to make sure non-qualified people don't park there. So the actually handicapped ones have to go hunt down for the authorities, ask them to remove the chains and then park. Tak masuk akal langsung. But I understand they have to do that sebab Malaysians are so considerate. They park at handicapped spots and make life difficult for other people.

Itu belum mention lagi pasal the double parkers. Or as I would like to call them, the double-fuckers!

But that's another story....

Terlanjur Bicara....

Had a long, busy day at work today. Was looking forward to heading back to Kota Damansara and meet up with Ako for drinks and catching up. But just before I nak leave the office ni, kena lah ada benda yang jadi that is making me feel like banging my head against the wall.

In all honesty, I just don't have any more tears to cry. Yes I feel the pain. But it's nothing new dah. Apa-apa ja lah. Say what you want. You have the right to. Nobody controls your life.

Kesempurnaan wanita terletak pada mata yang melihat dan hati yang menilai. Andainya baik baginya, maka baiklah. Buruk baginya, maka buruklah.

Whatever lah...as I said say what you want. As for me, right now I just want to go and meet up with Ako and forget all my troubles.

Terlajak perahu boleh diundur, terlajak kata? Hmm.... ada lah hati yang terluka...

Yang lama dijaga rapi, yang baru adakalanya tidak dipeduli. Dibetulkan juga yang lama. Dipelihara bagaikan menatang minyak yang penuh. Walhal yang dipelihara dan dijaga itu tak semestinya yang terbaik. Tapi apakan daya, hati dah terpaut pada yang lama. Yang baru tak mahu dilepaskan, tapi yang lama juga masih dalam genggaman. Bila yang baru terguris, dipertahankan juga yang lama. Bila yang baru menangis? Dilempar pula ungkapan yang pedih.

Jawabnya belilah ubat kuning dan plaster sendiri kat farmasi, lepas tu balut luka tu sendiri... Senang cerita!

Tuah & Teja's Weekend...

Although my weekend did not really turn out as planned; work stuff cropped up and I couldn't stick to my original plan of driving back to my hometown, it still turned out rather beautifully. Was at work on Friday, but we did manage to get in a couple of hours of dating, and on Saturday we managed to spend some time together.

We decided to act like tourists and headed to Aquaria in KLCC. Had a blast although I think Aquaria overcharges. When the whole thing was over, we were both like, that's it?? I only saw the sharks for a while. It was kinda cute when he started humming the Jaws theme song when we were in that underwater tunnel thing. Would have loved to dive in with them! Although he was already squinting his eyes at me when I said I wanted to do that. You only live once, right?! So what the hell, dive in!

And here we have Mr Tuah with the piranhas! They didn't look as vicious as they did in the movie...

On Saturday, we went out for lunch and a bit of grocery shopping. Lunch was good although the food could have been better. I always select the wrong restaurants! Looks can be deceiving!

Don't let his look of enjoyment fool you... it doesn't take much to please my man, food-wise. He's not a picky eater, unlike yours truly...

I had the Nasi Putih Sambal Sotong with Belacan Long Beans. Sounds good, doesn't it? Well it wasn't that bad, but it wasn't that great either. He had some noodle soup thingy which was kinda bland. The restaurant at fault here was Wang Cafe in Dataran Sunway.

After grocery shopping, he headed back and I headed for Mid Valley. Did some serious shopping. Therapeutic indeed! Of course the crowd was not that therapeutic. And the massive traffic outside Mid Valley. I ended up handing my car over to the Valet Parking. God bless them! Bought me a pair of shoes from NOSE! Lovin' it! 4-inch heels! Tuah tenggelam next to me! Can't wear it on dates! And then while I was shopping I came across a booth selling something which brought me back to my school days. I decided what the hell, what better occasion to behave like a school kid again. So I threw caution to the wind, personalized it and bought it. Now I wear it with much pride! Hahahah! Although I still feel very much like a budak sekolah, but what the hell lah kan?!

This has got to be the most pointless posting in the history of blogposts! Oh well, I just felt like sharing... So what the heck... Will try to get back to my philosophical self in the next one... For now, welcome to the blonde side of me...

Grow up already.......!

Some people really have to learn to be modest. I don't care if you get to have lunch with the King on a daily basis, or Obama calls you every night before he goes to bed, or Sharon Stone thinks you're the best sex she's ever had! Quit mentioning it over and over again! It gets pretty nauseating after the third time of hearing the same thing!

And they can be so oblivious too! I mean every time I see this dude, and there's someone there with us, he keeps regaling what he does as though he's the greatest thing since sliced bread!

Sikit-sikit sudahlah!

As I said, I don't care if you ARE the greatest thing since sliced bread, I'm just not bothered. Tell me once and I will remember it and probably find you amazing, but repeat it over and over again and you're nothing more than just a sad braggart!

Get a life!

Models Would Kill For My Metabolism...

I am thin. Deal with it. I have.

Anyway, to those of you who know me personally, you would have noticed this teeny tiny detail. To those of you who don't know me personally, I am thin.

Why am I repeating the word thin?

That is because when you're thin, that means your biological food storage system would naturally be smaller than the average joe.

I really get stressed out when people bising kat I when I don't finish my food. I get even more stressed out when they say things like, "Orang kat Ethiopia tu tak cukup makan. Bagi habis lah what's left on your plate."

So basically because the people in Ethiopia are suffering, I have to force-feed myself?!? And after that, when my system begins to reject everything and I puke it all out, the Ethiopians would somehow have suffered less????!?!??!

I don't mean to sound mean. What I'm trying to get across is please try to understand that I can't eat as much as other people. I only have to eat a bit to already feel stuffed beyond my wits. Only on some very highly rare occasions will I find myself melantak-ing. But that doesn't happen very often.

So take a good look at my weight.

Stop forcing me to go beyond my limits.

I am thin.

And I love it!

Baby, You're The Right Kind Of Wrong....

The Thinker

How do you know when you've found the right person? This has been an age-old question; throughout the centuries people have been pondering over this and yet no one has been able to come up with a conclusive answer. We've seen scientists, philosophers, great thinkers over the span of eras discovering gravity, the circumference of the moon, inventing the telephone and countless other things that at some point were unthinkable and yet no one has even come close to answering this one simple question. Some say that if you still have to ask that question then that means you haven't found the right person. Is that it? Is that the measure? Is that the ultimate answer to this pertinent question?

Many have tried to decipher it. Books have been written. Men are from mars, women are from venus, and yet it remains a secret. If only there is a certain gauging tool, a factual answer to it, then perhaps there will be less divorces on the streets. But to this day, it remains to be one of the mysteries of the universe.

Life is the answer. Experience it and you shall see. No heads up. No hints at the beginning. Hit the road, Jack and may the force be with you.

I have had a serious relationship before. It was so serious we were already planning our retirement. So serious that when it ended I thought my life was coming to an end. And then I saw the light. I was in the middle of the tunnel. Everything was bleak. The future was nothing more than a black hole.


But suddenly there was a light. It showed me that my world was not ending; at least not yet. I scrambled my way out of the seemingly endless black hole I was falling into. The proverbial light at the end of the tunnel came to me when I was clambering for help. My lungs were screaming out for air. My eyes were suddenly able to adjust to the bleakness of it all and I saw that hope was not at a total loss after all.

And I finally managed to put the whole mess behind me. I was finally able to say "Screw you. I was not the only who messed this up. It takes two to tango. And in this case, it took two to make a crap out of the relationship." And I moved on.

But I still haven't found the answer to the question. I was not able to answer it back then and I still can't answer it now. However I found something else instead. I realized that answering that question is not the be all and end all of it.

How do you know when you've found the right person?

I am done trying to figure it out. Why waste time pondering over something that is obviously bigger than me? Something no one has managed to figure out. Who am I to answer this when I'm sure even Plato gave up on it?

So I came to the realization of something else instead.

He makes me smile when I'm sad. He makes me laugh with his jokes. He makes me cry when we fight (that's a good thing because if I don't cry then that means I don't care enough about the relationship to hurt over our arguments.). He makes me nescafe when I'm down. He takes care of my car better than I would ever bother to. He sends me prepaid credit when I'm desperately in need to make a call or send a text. He takes me to the clinic when I'm sick. He is willing to go shoe shopping with me. He insists that I lock the car before I drive off. He endures my temper tantrum. He entertains my whining. He cares enough to buy me roses that match my desk at work.

No he doesn't say I love you on a regular basis. No he doesn't write me love poems every other day. No he doesn't send me letters everyday. He doesn't even call me in the middle of the day just to say that he misses me. He doesn't come to my office with his guitar to serenade me. He doesn't take me out to a candlelit dinner by the beach. And of course he has not gotten down on one knee to propose.

But I don't care. Because the things that he actually does do are the things that is making me miss him whenever I'm not with him. They make me think of him before I go to bed at night. They make me want to be with him all the time. They make me want to blog about my feelings on a daily basis.

And the flowers sitting on my desk make coming to work less tiresome.

So who cares if i know whether or not I have found the right person?

I know I have found the person I want to be with for the rest of my life. Is he right? Who's to say that he's wrong? Right or wrong is very subjective.

Hang Tuah dan Tun Teja

Datuk Laksamana Hang Tuah dalam buku Sejarah Melayu did not end up with Tun Teja. He did not even end up with Puteri Gunung Ledang. God knows who he married. Datok Chamil Wariya reported in his book that Hang Tuah had kids but there was no mention of who his wife was. Perhaps he did marry Teja. Perhaps secretly they ran off together and got hitched. Who knows? Hang Tuah definitely did not know who was right for him; apatah lagi kita ni?

No matter how long you may know a person; no matter how well you may think you know them, there's just no telling whether they are right for you or not. What you do know is whether you're comfortable with them or not. Whether they are willing to go the distance for you or not. Whether they are willing to nurse you when you are sick or not. Whether they would take the trouble to come to your aid. Whether they would tolerate your crap. Whether they would find you Ais Kacang bungkus in the middle of the night. Whether they would spend the night at the hospital to keep your ailing father company.

It's not about right or wrong. It's never about right or wrong. It's not even about time. 2 years, 5 years, 10 years, 16 years....

(kenapa I letak gambar penyanyi ni?? Hmmmm........)

Sometimes you just have to know where to look. More often than not the very thing you're looking for is right there in front of you. Yes, the grass is always greener on the other side, but have you taken the time to actually look properly in your own backyard? Perhaps there's a beautiful pink rose there which is much better than what's on the other side.

"Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you"

Thinking of You.......

Do you ever sometimes in the middle of the day, as you're staring blankly at the computer at work, forcing your mind to focus on your work, trying to type out something productive, but you find yourself thinking of that one person who makes your heart smile? And how you wish that you could just run out for a while to see him? And then all the stress of the day just wears off?

Well I'm having that feeling right now. I can't wait to see him later this evening. I can't wait to see the glint in his eyes, the smile on his face. And then I just know that all my stress would melt away.

"And everytime I close my eyes,
I thank the Lord that I've got you babe,
And you've got me too,
And everytime I think of it I pinch myself 'coz,
I can't believe it's true,
That someone like you,
Loves me too......."

Disclaimer: Lama tak letak posting mushy-mushy ni! Saja tetiba in the mood!

More Roses!

On Tuesday, a bouquet of pink flowers were delivered to my desk at work! That really took me surprise considering the fact that all my life I've never had any roses delivered to me, ever! This bouquet was huge! Waay bigger than the previous one!

Bunga memujuk lah katakan! But it was sooo sweet. I mean who would've thought, Mr Macho and Cool himself would actually call up a florist and give descriptions for a bouquet of pink roses to be delivered to his girlfriend's office! Dah tak jadi lah nak marah lama-lama..

As you can see from the card, siapa lagi Mr Macho kalau bukan Datuk Laksamana Hang Tuah! Pening gaklah orang delivery tu nak mencari Yang Mulia Tun Teja kat Radio24! But that took my breath away. The simple words on the card. I was never much of a Sejarah Melayu type, but I'm beginning to enjoy the Hang Tuah-Teja love affair.

Hmm.......wonder how the next bouquet would look like.....hahahhahhaahh!

Roses Are Red, My Love...

As many couples can attest to, arguments are part and parcel of being in a relationship. If I were to get a dollar for each time I fight and argue with my boyfriends (from back then till now), I won't have to work! I'd be set for life! Seriously I'm talking Tan Sri Azman Hashim loaded! Anyway, back to the point at hand, last Friday, had an argument with my boyfriend, but this time it was different. After an apology session at Secret Recipe (he was apologizing but of course I also share part of the blame; I can be somewhat stubborn at times!), he excused himself to go to the gents. I did not think anything of it, I just continued sitting at Secret Recipe, sulking. Then he came back about ten minutes later and placed a bouquet of pink flowers in front of me. Apa lagi, cair on the spot lah! And he had this cute grin on his face, and also he was singing a verse of this song:

Roses are red my love,
Violets are blue,
Sugar is sweet my love,
But not as sweet as you....

Perempuan mana yang boleh nak keras hati lagi after all that?!?!?! I would have had to be a man not to cair at that gesture! Plus the flowers were a lovely shade of pink, my favourite colour, and the wrapping was also pink and yellow, very girly, very romantic, very cheesy but it worked! Cliches are cliches for a reason; because they work! And I'm a sucker for cliches! The flowers were lovely and his sincerity at apologizing just touched my heart to a point I just couldn't stay angry at him. So there we were, walking around One Utama, with a bouquet of flowers in my hand. He knew I felt somewhat segan, but he was milking the situation, I kept saying let's go back to the car, and he was insisting that we still walk around. "Jom lah tengok kedai ni pulak!" "Eh, what do they have here?!? Ada display best lah!"


So anyway, to sum it up, what started out to be a sucky weekend because of the fight ended up great after all. Loved the flowers and then the next day we had high-tea at Hilton, PJ, then drove around looking for a shoe store and then just spending time enjoying each other's company. I don't usually blog about what I do on a daily basis, but this time around I can't help it. As I look at the bouquet of flowers now sitting in a vase on my desk at work, I can't help but blog about it. Sometimes life hands you a load of crap, but sometimes it hands you pink colored roses that makes all the crap worthwhile!

Part-Time Lover

Was driving to work this morning, the radio was tuned to Best104, and this song came on. It sounded catchy enough and then I started paying attention to the lyrics. It sounded oddly familiar, a little bit exaggerated though but still the basic sense of familiarity was apparent...

Separuh Masa - The Lima

Dulukan telah diberitahu
Jangan mengganggu di hujung minggu
Nanti dia akan tahu
Rahsia engkau dan aku

Kita sudah sama setuju
Berjumpa hanya bila perlu
Kerana kita sudah punya teman istimewa

Kuhanyalah kekasih separuh masa
Separuh lagi cinta untuk dia
Janganlah kau meminta lebih daripada itu

Kuhanyalah kekasih separuh masa
Dari isnin sampai jumaat sahaja
Janganlah pula kau mengharap
Berdampiran selalu denganku

Jika kau tak terima khabar
Bererti dia ada di sini
Jangan gatal meninggalkan pesan
Curiga dia nanti

Tak perlu kata-kata manja
Itu sudah sering kudengar
Dari dia yang masih tidak tahu
Adanya dirimu

Kuakui ada sesuatu antara kita
Tetapi kutahu bukan seperti biasa

Had A Blonde Moment And This Was The Result...

This is my desk at work. Yes, it's pink. Yes, it looks like Pink Panther threw up on it. But that's just the way I like it. Recently a colleague added to my pink collection by giving me a pink whistle! Hahahah! Guess I'm officially the Pink Panther of Radio24!

It took quite a few shopping trips and a little bit of house raiding at home to put this desk together! But it was fun. And at least now I kinda have something to look forward to at work.

And there sits Pink Panther, the mascot to the whole pink fiasco. Someone likened my desk to that of Elle Woods (Legally Blonde)! Hahah! I guess all that's missing is the pink feathered boa thingy!

Pink Is In!

I woke up today and decided to revamp my blog. Since pink is the color of choice at the moment, I decided to paint my blog pink too. Call me superficial, call me a dumb blonde, call me whatever you want. I can kick your ass all the way to kingdom come and I still enjoy pink. It's a cute color, it's a simple color. It's a color that brings you back to your childhood, where things were either pink or blue, depending on which reproductive organ you were born with!

Up next, I shall upload the pictures of my desk at work. Now that will surely blow you away!

I've decided to try blogging on a more frequent basis now. Instead of the occasional posting once every six months. Things are rather quiet at work today. Nothing new to bitch about, nothing much to rant about. Either that or the menstrual stress is slowly flying away. Until next month then! But there are birdbrains all around all the time. So it's not really dependent on the monthly women cycle thing. Birdbrains will continue to plague my existence for as long as they breathe the same air that I do.

Thank God for a certain job hopping dudette at work who makes things a lot better at times; in other words, bitching buddy! But we're not all that bad. We don't just bitch because we have nothing better to do, or because we think we're better than everyone else. Come on, sometimes it's just pure common sense. How difficult is it not to cross our paths? We are not super-demanding people. We don't set our standards so high it's totally out of reach. COMMON SENSE! That's all we want!

Bullshit!

It's that time of the month, so pretty much anything and everything would annoy me at the moment. It is at times like this that people around me had better be on their best behaviour. I can't seem to understand why a certain individual at my workplace is somehow unable to converse quietly over the phone. I don't mind if it's just short calls once in a while. But she is on the phone almost 95% of the time. And the way she talks just irks me because I don't care about her conversation however I have no choice but to accept the input of what she's saying or rather gossipping about because I just can't tune her out. I mean keep it down, for crying out loud. I don't know who's about to give birth, I don't care if someone is moving back to Timbuktu, I don't care if an old colleague is buying a house in Guatemala, I just don't care! So to all of you out there who work in an office surrounded by people, keep it down when you're on the phone!

Another thing that crossed my path and is annoying the hell out of me today is the phrase Pengurup Wang! I'm wondering what on earth is the root word for Pengurup?!?!!? Is it kurup? Or urup? Yurup? What the hell?!??! Seriously DBP, what do you guys get paid for? Sitting on your pretty laurels and not do anything else? Come up with informasi as the Malay word for information and then go on a 5-hour tea break?!?!?! I mean, come on! Seriously, that's not even trying. Hardly! And now with the PPSMI shit going on. I agree with Dr. M, in the future, Malaysians will become stupid. And of course don't even let me get started on the new ruling saying that from now on, all TV productions are to be either in complete Malay or in complete English. No more mixing of the two languages. We're in Malaysia for pete's sake! In the words of Douglas Lim, "go to the mamak and try lah ordering nasi lemak and teh tarik in English!!!!!!!!"

Tak habis-habis dengan ruling bodoh! They think they sit up there, high and mighty, and we the minions will have to adhere to their whims and fancies! Get real, go out and see Malaysia as we truly are!

Bullshit lah!

Life's Like That....

Lately I feel like I have no will to write anymore. This comes as quite a blow especially when I consider myself more of a writer than anything else. However it feels like the inspiration has left me and I am bogged down with the burden of not being able to express myself as fluidly as I used to. Life has been going at a rather simplistic pace as of late. Maybe it's the age thing. Perhaps I have mellowed down somewhat. It's just that lately I can't seem to bring myself to pen down anything much. Usually it's just the laziness but I don't think that is the case anymore. It's more like I've run out of things to write. Or maybe I'm just not bothered anymore. This is quite a scary thought. Even more so for a person who swears by ink and paper (or in this case, the keyboard and the computer). I don't even find myself reading as much as I used to. Theatre bores me to death these days. Musicals even more. I mean if you wanna sing, then have a concert for pete's sake! The days of enjoying musicals are officially over. Nowadays I find it supremely annoying when they break into a song in the middle of a conversation! I mean come on! Who does that?!?! I am becoming more sedate? The dawn of the age of hopelessness? I hope not! I used to find joy in watching plays, but today I feel suffocated. Gritting my teeth waiting for the whole thing to be over so I can go home and watch Friends or chow down on Mcdonalds. Could it be that plays are no longer what they used to be? What if Jit Murad puts up a play now, I go see it and I find myself bored to death by it?! Geez.....I shudder at the thought! I love Jit. I love his plays. But what's happening to me? I no longer find joy in the things I used to enjoy....writing, reading, theatre, musicals, clubbing, late nite outings, even shopping to a certain extent! Thank God I still enjoy Friends!

It could be the age thing. Perhaps the time has finally come for me to settle down. Hmm...if only it was up to the woman to decide on these matters....then I would be married by now. Going home to a husband after work. Enjoying the process of making babies. Having babies. Being a mom. Being a wife.

Damn! Is this still me talking? Have I been kidnapped by an alien and brainwashed to embrace the ideals of a family life?!

Me?!?

Part 2 : Eccentricities of the Male Species

We are now entering Part 2 of my take on the eccentricities of the male species. In my observation, I have recognized how certain similar things that both men and women do can generate such intensely different end results. All things considered, we really don’t have much of a choice. Either you live with this condition, which I believe is already a general law akin to Galileo’s theory that the earth is indeed not flat or you end up living alone in your old age accompanied by 40 cats, or you become a lesbian. It’s pretty obvious, if you ask me. For as long as men can breathe and eyes can see, the battle of the sexes will never cease to baffle even the smartest of us.

Relationship is like a game. As much as I don’t want to play, somehow I get caught up in the web of its maddening intricacies and end up becoming a player or the one who gets played. I keep telling myself I don’t want to. It’s a ridiculous game. Sometimes it’s amazing how you can see the amazing simplicity of the whole situation, but enter John Doe and voila it’s complications galore! As my saying goes, life is complicated enough without us having to go and make it even more complicated. But no, they seem to love complicating things. Perhaps it’s the challenge that fuels them. Without complications the male species would probably shrivel up and slowly evaporate into thin air! What’s frustrating is that more often than not they do not realize that they are making our lives a living hell. They are absolutely unaware that the challenge and thrill that comes from them complicating things is the reason why most of us feel like banging our heads against the wall half the time.

Did you know that the male symbol of the circle and the arrow (it’s actually supposed to depict the shield and the spear of the Roman God Mars) is also the alchemical symbol for iron? Perhaps that is why they are such a hardheaded species. Keras macam besi. As the old Malay adage goes.

In this second part of my ranting and venting, I shall list several examples that have been noted down from experience. If you identify with any of these, then you have officially been the victim of male eccentricity.

Situation Numero Uno: Phone Calls.

Ever noticed how when you are calling your man and you can’t get through, and you end up leaving more than 10 missed calls on his mobile; you usually get chastised for it? They will say things like, “Call sekali cukup lah, I know lah when to call you back!” However when you reverse the sexes in the same situation, the end result is the exact opposite. Your man is looking for you and leaves 30 missed calls on your phone alongside a few text messages frantically wondering where you are. Do you chastise him for that? Of course not, because stupidly we think it’s sweet that they have been trying so hard to get in touch with us. Little do we know they have somehow sub-consciously gotten to us making it impossible for us to get mad at them for doing the same thing we did.

Find this interesting? Read on.

Situation Numero Due: Arguments

He has done something to piss you off. You rush off to see him determined to give him a piece of your mind. On the way there, you mentally list down all your points that further convinces you that he is definitely in the wrong. You are sure. You are absolutely certain. There’s no way in hell that he can be right this time. You are ultimately sure of this; as sure as 2+2 equals to 4. You get there. You see him. You list down your facts and points of argument. He cuts you off midway (or in some rare cases he lets you finish rambling first) and argues his side in a most convincing way. Hell, OJ Simpson would have hired him on the spot! He is still wrong though, but his argument somehow manages to mess with your ability to uphold your stand and suddenly you start to think to yourself, “Maybe he is right.” Voila! Again he proves to be the manipulative, conniving being he actually is.

Situation Numero Tre: Set in Their Ways

Ever noticed how it’s always okay for men to be set in their ways, but for us women, we always have to be prepared to change? For example, if they don’t like to go to the movies, it’s because they’re set in their ways and God forbid that we try to change that. But if we don’t like to go hardware shopping for example, suddenly we’re not supportive of their interest!

Situation Numero Quattro: Privacy

Now this one really stumps me most of the time. I will never ever be able to understand men’s take on privacy. Digest this: Your mobile rings. You pick it up, answer the call and yak away to your heart’s content. The minute you hang up, you will hear this question, “Who was that?” The same thing happens when you receive a text message. And us, being women, being mushy beings, being the ever soft-hearted species, again find it sweet that they want to know, perhaps we even feel a bit flattered that they are probably jealous as to who’s in contact with us, and we answer the question without much hesitation. Again, reverse the situation and you get a different outcome. Their phone rings. They answer it. Or a text message comes in and they reply. We ask them, “Who was that, sayang?” And the answer you get? “I don’t like my privacy being questioned.” Basically they are subtly saying it’s really none of your business. The same thing applies to what we do when we are not with them, or what they do when they are not with us. They can ask us where we are and we will of course answer without even blinking. But when we ask them, they start to get edgy and say things like, “I’m really not comfortable when you start to question my whereabouts. Some things are private.”

Explanation? Men. The three-letter word is rather self-explanatory.

Situation Numero Cinque: Time-Off

Notice how men are always the ones asking for a time-off? Women hardly do that. At least not the ones I know personally.

Situation Numero Sei: Driving

You are both in a car. You are driving. You get into a fight over something. You get all stressed up. Suddenly, you start to take it out on the road. You drive fast; neglect to signal your turns, perhaps on occasion run a red light. Yes, this behavior is not right. But what I am more interested to point out here is the male reaction to this behavior. Here’s what they will say, “Why are you driving like a mad person? Can’t you keep your emotions in check? Don’t take it out on the road. Bla Bla Bla………..” Again, reverse the situation. You are both in a car. He is driving. You get into a fight. He starts to drive like a madman. You say, “Why are you driving like this? Slow down, for heaven’s sake!” And his reply? “This is my car, I’ll drive however way I want to!”

Situation Numero Sette: The Unfazed Species

Men can also be labeled as The Unfazed Species. The next time you get intensely stressed out after a fight, take a few seconds to look at him. More often than not he is totally unfazed. Maybe they are better at dealing with their emotions but come on, wouldn’t hurt to show some reaction once in a while. Some men may be good with all the other stuff in a relationship like carrying your shopping bags for you, coming to your aid when your car breaks down in the middle of nowhere, nursing you when you’re sick, buying you your favourite food, bla bla bla, but when it comes to the emotional relationshippy stuff, they become totally and completely unfazed.

Again, explanation? Men.

So there, I have listed out 7 situations that further clarifies the fact that the male species are amazingly eccentric. And yet we can’t help but fall in love with them. Aah…the vicious cycle of life. It’s inevitable. Like Mondays will always come after a great weekend. Like you always get hungry a half hour after having Chinese food. Male-female relationship? Inevitable. Pain equals to pleasure.

Can’t live with them. Can’t live without them.

And that concludes Part 2 of the Eccentricities of the Male Species. Stay tuned for more. So long as men can breathe and eyes can see, I will always have something to pen down about the opposite sex.

Part 1: Eccentricities of the Male Species

The time has come for me to pen down the eccentricities of the male species. Having been in close contact with them as an attraction object for more than ten years of my life has given me an insight into the Adonis psyche. Or rather a close encounter of the impending doom that will befall all those who come within a 5-mile range of them. The first thing I learned was that this species are just never meant to be understood by anyone except for their own kind and God. They’re akin to one of the mysteries of the universe. If you think the Hanging Gardens of Babylon is mysterious enough, think again! Their existence brings about the biggest conundrum known to womankind. The colossal task of deciphering their coded behavior, their eccentric thoughts and their seemingly callous reactions has perplexed women everywhere. From the time of Eve (notice how Eve was at fault for what happened; I reckon this is because men never bothered to look at the bigger picture, instead it was much simpler to blame Eve for Adam’s fall from Grace) to Cleopatra to Demi Moore! The male species has been triumphant in all of their glory to stump and subject womankind to a state of utter confusion, frustration and ultimately a prolonged case of aggravation and exasperation. Oh and of course I left out the most important word of all, annoyance!

To sum it up (Oh no I am nowhere near done yet with this piece), the male species are bent on making the lives of their opposite sex a living hell. Of course there are some forms of their behavior which will make us feel as though we’re in heaven right here on earth, but those are only meant to confuse thus causing us to make up reasons for them when they behave like idiots. Do you see the underlying pattern? The calculated effort, the methodical planning, the meticulous plotting, the systematic rationalization, the reasoning of their convoluted logic. It is all a highly elaborate scheme meant to generate confusion amongst womankind. And when we’re confused, we create excuses to conceal their transgressions and defend their actions. All in all, they are not the slightest bit stupid. In fact they are very smart. Manipulative, calculative, inventive to a certain extent. And who fuels this condition of theirs? Us. The female species. Why? Because they can literally bring us to our knees with mere words proclaiming love, or with the occasional acts of kindness.

I am not in any way a feminist. I do believe profoundly that men were born to be leaders. It’s just that most of them fail to fit the shoes. I do not hate men. I am just furious, frustrated, exasperated to a point where I feel the only way to numb the pain is by banging my head against the wall. But I’m smarter than that. And I know most of you are too. It’s just that men are so frustrating at times. They are not entirely bad. I have had the good fortune of meeting some wonderful men in my life. However even the great ones are not free from the accusations that I have made above. The greater they are, the more confused we become. In not so many words, men equals to confusion. Even the smartest of us get dumbfounded by our opposite sex. Perhaps we are just never meant to understand them fully. Perhaps they are the eighth wonder of the universe. Countless of books have been written about this. Men writing books about understanding women. Women writing books about understanding men. Let’s face it. You can write till you’re blue in the face and you won’t find an answer. You can read till you’re ready to puke the words out through your nose and you still won’t find an answer. So understand one thing here, I am not writing to make you understand, neither am I writing to make me understand, because I am way past trying to figure them out. You are currently reading this because this is how I vent. If you feel what I am trying to get across here, then I feel sorry for you. If you don’t feel what I’m trying to convey, then I guess a congratulations in order. Perhaps you are one of the select few who have been gifted with the miracle of understanding men.

However, I have come to the realization of one thing. That no matter how foolish or ignorant or arrogant they behave, we emerge the ultimate fool. Because despite being put through hell in our quest to understand them, we still subject ourselves to the mental and emotional torture. Notice how after each fight we tell ourselves that we have had enough, this is the last, and they can go to hell, yet give it a few days (if not a few hours) and we turn to mush and jell-o all over again (like the countless of times before this) and we find a way to ignore the fight, the cause and the arguments we put forth, convinced of course that we are right at the time, and we go running back to them. Either that or we do somehow manage to get out of the relationship and stumble into another one just like the previous one. Makes me wonder if I’ve got a beacon or radar attached to me that only attract men with issues. But then again, 94% of the male species out there have issues. So the odds are pretty obvious. Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. Trust me, Mars is way too close and much too normal a planet to be associated with the male species. If you ask me, I would say that they’re from a totally different universe altogether. Even the Klingons are not that weird. Oh well, Scotty, if you’re reading this, beam me up anytime!

Only one statement comes to mind that fits describing the male-female relationship like a glove: Can’t live with them, can’t live without them. An old boyfriend came up with a much better one actually: Can’t live with them, can’t marry monkeys!

Stay tuned for Part 2.

Back to Santi's earthly tomb....

Reporting live from the Platinum Suites of Cathay Cineplex, The Curve, I am about to watch Angels and Demons again, alone this time. Need to de-stress myself. Too many shit has been going on and I just need to pamper myself for a while. Life is weird. When you give too much you get bitten in the ass, when you give too little, you still get bitten in the ass. Basically there's just no pleasing anyone. When you give too much, they say you're trying too hard, when you give too little, they say you're not trying hard enough. So where do you draw the line?

C'est la vie, they say. Oh well, at this moment in time, I just wanna forget about everything else and give myself a little treat. When it's time to get back to reality, I'll probably just bury my face in my hands, storm in and just power through.

For now, Professor Robert Langdon, here I come!

From Santi's Earthly Tomb....

From St. Peter's Square to Raphael's church to Piazza Navona to the Vatican's Archives to the Papal Office. One of the books that turned me into a hardcore Dan Brown fan finally made its way to our shores. As usual I managed to cajole my sweetheart into going to the cinema with me and there we were, me all eager and he was just nonchalant, as he always is.

But as we left the theatre some two hours later, he was in awe. And of course so was I. Ron Howard did not fail to deliver. The movie was almost as good as the book. The Da Vinci Code had its shortcomings, but I still enjoyed it, but Angels and Demons was almost beautifully done.

Initially when Howard announced that Tom Hanks was to play Langdon in The Da Vinci Code, I was kinda sceptical. Tom Hanks did not really fit into the Langdon I already had in mind. But he managed to pull it off. And with Angels and Demons, he proved yet again that he is in fact a great actor.

I did not however agree with the fact that they offered the role of Il Camerlengo to Ewan MacGregor. He looked better suited to play an IRA-bomber, not a Vatican priest.

Other than that, Howard managed to capture the suspense and intrigue with his brilliant directing skills.

Angels and Demons met my expectations and then some. Now I can't wait for them to start filming the other two books. And I'm still wondering when will Dan Brown release the sequel to The Da Vinci Code, which I believe is going to be called Solomon's Key.

Code-breaking is definitely my game!

C'est La Crap

People say that change is inevitable. I say that too. But that doesn’t mean that I have to embrace it. That doesn’t mean I have to like it. Some things are supposed to remain predictable, reliable, and dependable. That’s what keeps sanity intact, that’s what keeps you from being driven off the edge. When the predictable starts to behave like the weather, that’s when you start to lose a little bit of yourself and wish that things would just go back to the way it used to be. Have you ever wondered why is it that when you really expect some things to remain the same, that is when everything starts to go haywire? Just when your life is going all screwy, the few things that you wish would still be that rock isn’t anymore. Like for instance, that shop that used to have those delicious chocolate brownies and has been around since forever suddenly decides to close when you need it the most? I mean come on! Or when all you need is a glass of coke from Mcdonalds when you’re feeling down, and when you get home you realize that the stupid waiter gave you Diet Coke instead? Or a friend who used to be there all the time and you haven’t seen that person in a long time and on the one time you need to meet and just talk, they suddenly cancel? I mean it’s not like I’m asking for a million bucks or for that DeBeers diamond ring! I just want certain things to remain the same! When everything in the world seems to be changing! Music is not what it is anymore. Films aren’t either. I can’t even derive comfort from TV shows like I used to be able to! There are only so many episodes of FRIENDS I can keep on rerunning!

Some people say that change is good. But if you ask me, it’s not all the time good. Sometimes change is just as bad as remaining stagnant. Even my grammar is taking a hit as I’m typing; thank God for the grammar error green lines that keep appearing on Word that is keeping you from reading my mistakes! And I know that when my grammar is going nuts, then my mind is really not in place at the moment. That’s how crappy I’m feeling.

I just want some things to remain the way it used to be. I want my best friend back. The one who decided that she would much rather listen to her boyfriend’s lies than to believe what I say. And now she’s no longer with the boyfriend! But we’re still not friends again. Whatever happened to the good times we shared? Actually to hell with her! If she would much rather believe those lies than to trust me, then I’m better off without her. Ask anyone who is close to me; I would never do anything to hurt them intentionally, much less make up stories behind their backs. If anything I am fiercely loyal to the people I love. So that is one thing that changed that I can’t get back. My closest female friend who decided to bail. But seriously, now that I think about it; to hell with her!

My ex boyfriend was also my best friend. But the day we broke up, we also stopped being best friends. I do not want him back as my boyfriend. I have realized a long time ago that we broke up for a reason and I have totally gotten over him. In fact if I hadn’t broken up with him, I wouldn’t have met the person I am with today. So that is one change that was good. But I wish I could get the best friend in him back.

Perhaps I am asking for too much. Some people say you can’t have it all. You don’t really get all the things you want in life.

Whatever it is, I just wish that some things would simply go back to being predictable, reliable and dependable. What is wrong in wanting these things? They’re pretty basic and mundane if you ask me. I don’t want a ten storey building named after me. I don’t want an island of my own. I don’t want a Lamborghini. I am pretty much contented with what I’m driving right now. Fuel-efficient. Hey, you can’t beat that, can you? So which part of all of these is asking for too much?

I am a simple girl. Complicated at times, but that’s just normal of any woman. But at the heart of it I am really a simple person who wants to be happy and wants some semblance of predictability, reliability and dependability once in a fucking while.

C’est la vie? Yeah right. More like c’est la crap.

Just Another Manic Monday....

Monday is here again.... the vicious cycle of life.... Had a great interview session on-air with Deanna Yusoff. She's been off the grid for quite some time, to a point that some people are of the impression that she has migrated off somewhere else. But she is still very much in the country. A wonderful lady, if you ask me. Very nice, humble and down-to-earth. The 45-minutes we had on-air went by like a breeze. Now I'm back to slogging for the coming weeks.

It's quite a mellow Monday. Hence I've got the time to blog. Going to Sg. Wang later with Nawar. More later.....

Gay Rights?? Me?? No No!

I am not being a person who discriminates, trust me I'm all for human rights and bla bla bla, but come on when you're talking about gay rights, I just can't find it in me to hop on board. I attended a play last night in KLPAC; Bottom Top by Mark Beau De Silva starring himself and Dato' Faridah Merican.

It centered on the two of them having a conversation about the son's 'different' lifestyle. To me it just isn't logical for a mother and son, regardless of religion to have that conversation in a country like Malaysia. Whatever religion we may be, we still share some of the basic cultures. Homosexuality is just not an open topic. Plus they were kinda getting graphic with their discussion.

Perhaps I'm just being a prude, but that's the way I think and I'll stand by it. I don't approve of homosexuality and I totally did not enjoy the play last night.

Take a Number!

I'm trying very hard to be a constant blogger but I guess I just don't have the discipline. Although constantly I do come across various happenings in my life that I would like to blog about but by the time I get to a PC, I've already forgotten what I wanted to write about. Such is the insignificance of the idiots I encounter that warrants me to make a mental note to bitch about them.

Last weekend was by far one of the most fabulous weekends of my adult life! Had fun dressing up for the Awards and then had a super successful surprise Birthday Party for my sweetheart. Met the perfect 4-year old! She was sooo adorable I had to suppress the urge to pinch her cheeks!

Now the weekend is gone and the working week has started again. Aahhh....the vicious cycle of life....

I don't understand why some Malaysians cannot seem to comprehend the concept of queueing up but I guess that can be attributed to the fact that they are probably medically stupid; that's the only logical explanation.

I am looking forward to the two concerts I'll be attending this weekend. Black Dog Bone and Reunion Orkes Nirwana. Coming from an old soul like moi, of course I would look forward to these bands rather than Linkin Park or some other stupid crap like Hujan or Meet Uncle Hussein.

God knows what some of these people nowadays see in these stupid so-called Indie Bands. I don't mean to sound harsh but it's just not music. And I hate the way they dress when they perform, and their attitudes, my God! Konon macam bagus sangat lah tu. Please lah.... What the hell are they singing about anyway? Half the time I don't understand what they're singing about coz' I think I require subtitles whenever I hear them sing. It's mostly screaming and head-banging and just plain crap. And yet they are thriving these days. Everywhere I go it's Hujan this and Meet Uncle Hussein that, and then there's Bunkface or is it Buttface and Braindead or Brainhead or some other nonsense. Ingat tere sangat lah tu bagi nama band konon lain dari yang lain. Kalau music tu dah hampeh, letak lah nama apa pun. Sorry if I'm stepping on some toes here, but to me it's just not music.

Don't like my comments?? Take a number and see if I give a shit!

As Boredom Strikes....

As boredom strikes, hence a new blog is born into the digital world of heart-pouring and instant therapy courtesy of modern technology........ Blogs are fast running the businesses of physical diary makers into the ground! As we click away on the information super-highway, we sometimes fail to realize that we are making ourselves open to so many people out there. But then again, see if I care! I'll write if I want to, and if you want to judge me for that, so be it!

Life behind the scenes of a radio station is great! And of course once a week I get to go on-air and terrorize the listeners with my nonsense. But I've also gotten some great reviews, so to the critical ones, take a number and don't hold your breath!

Speaking about taking numbers, a friend of mine gave me a great advice regarding the opposite sex. Tell 'em to take a number! Hahahah....... Of course I have to add the don't hold your breath part, because I just might not get back to you!

Had a great phone conversation last night with another old-time girlfriend. It's amazing how when you've been friends for almost ten years, you just don't judge each other anymore. Petty things like that are just not worth sweating over. I can tell her anything and she'll listen and impart some comments (if it isn't an original, it's usually a quote from FRIENDS), but all in all the comments are usually what you want to hear and not some preachy remark.

It's a Sunday and I'm at the office. Working on a Sunday is like having chocolate fudge sundae on a day that your tastebuds have decided to go on a vacation to a land far, far away! It ain't all that bad, though. Tuah came by to pick up Teja for a lunching session at Pavillion.

Oh and by the way, for future references; Tuah is the man I love and Teja is yours truly.

Back to Tuah and Teja. They initially planned on hitting Low Yat to buy a thumbdrive. Many months ago when Teja finally decided to warm up to the idea of virtual saving, he bought her a 2GB thumbdrive. He had wanted her to get something of a bigger capacity, but she insisted that 2 was more than enough. However today, Teja is realizing that 2GB is monkey doody compared to the increasing number of crap she has to lug around. So she finally wants to purchase a bigger capacity thumbdrive. At the same time, she's still wondering why on God's earth is it called a freakin' thumbdrive. But anyhoo, even if it's called a boobdrive, it doesn't really matter. Important brain cells are being wasted on petty things such as these. So Tuah picked Teja up at her office and they headed in the direction of Bukit Bintang. Unfortunately, other people were also trying to get to Low Yat (probably wanting bigger boob oops I meant thumbdrives as well) which means the traffic was horrendous. So Tuah decided to go somewhere else and Teja was agreeable. The thumbdrive can wait. Getting out of Bukit Bintang was beginning to look like an impossible feat; climbing up Everest would probably have been easier. The best course of action then was to turn into the parking lot of Pavillion. With the thumbdrive quest out of the way, Tuah's main aim at that point was to get Teja to a food establishment as she was already whining out of hunger. They then decided on lunching at the food court of Pavillion. The food was so-so; Mickey Mouse would have had better luck in the kitchen. After lunch, they decided to walk around Pavillion to window-shop and people-watch. The crowd was a mix of weirdos and family people and those who didn't even qualify to be called people. But Tuah held Teja's hand and started to sing out loud; a repertoire of songs ranging from the likes of A Whole New World to The Sound of Music. That made the crowd seem like miles away because Teja was laughing and felt like the world belonged to her. After Tuah had had enough of the crowd, they left Pavillion. The traffic was still horrendous. Teja insisted that Tuah drop her off by the roadside; across from her office so that Tuah won't have to brave the same traffic twice. He was reluctant but when Teja starts to insist, it's best for whoever around her to simply adhere. After imparting words of wisdom such as "Don't talk to strangers" and "Walk away from any suspicious characters", Teja kissed his hand and walked out of the car. In the drizzling rain, she walked back to her office and finds herself again in front of the computer not knowing what to do....

And that is the story of Tuah and Teja for today!

The clock is now ten minutes to 8pm, and I hope the traffic is already easing up. Driving in the jam in KL will someday be the cause of my blood pressure rising!

'Till we meet again tomorrow; eat, drink and be merry!