Definitely pissed off!

it just gets so tiring when people keep saying, "i'll see how it goes. i can't promise anything yet. but i will call you later." it's like, yeah i'll see you if i have no other plans. what am i? the last resort? so you'll see me only if i don't interfere with your other plans? so you go on making all sorts of plans with different people, and i get shoved somewhere in between your dental appointment and taking out the trash? i'm getting sick and tired of listening to "no promises" over and over again. yeah so you do show up even when you say "no promises" sometimes, but that's not the point. i hate venting about these things on my blog, especially when it's open for everyone to read, but sometimes i just feel so angry. i write and i vent. and no i don't keep a personal diary, so this is where it all comes out. i don't care what you people think. i already warned you that this blog is no cupcake filled ride through the meadows. i'm just a girl who is allowed to get upset when things bother her.

  

sure, i'll fix it.....oh but wait, let me check my schedule first and get back to you.

*#@&$&#*&#$*#^$*@&#$^*&#$^*&@#4* 

#SayaGenerasi....dah tua lah!

I'm not usually a fan of hashtags on Twitter but tonight a really cool one started trending and I decided to jump on board. So, I've decided to share my #SayaGenerasi stuff here as well. Really brings me back to the good ol' days! If you are from my generation, I'll bet some of these will put a smile on your face. Happy Reminiscing!

#SayaGenerasi iklan susu cap teko ada arwah Ismail Din tengah carving teko silver.

#SayaGenerasi Cyndi Lauper, Berlinda Carlisle.

#SayaGenerasi main ulung sampai tak reti2 nak balik rumah.

#SayaGenerasi tak dak orang gaji kat rumah.

#SayaGenerasi ada duit kertas 20 ringgit colour brown

#SayaGenerasi dimana mak justin bieber masih budak lagi.

#SayaGenerasi majalah bambino (no it wasn't porn)

#SayaGenerasi yang ada satu ja magician yang famous masuk tv, David Copperfield.

#SayaGenerasi tiap2 kali merdeka, x'mas and new year, RTM tunjuk circus pagi-pagi.

#SayaGenerasi time kak pah ada byk tahi lalat on her face.

#SayaGenerasi that was rooting for Hans Isaac to marry Deanna Yusoff.

#SayaGenerasi yang tak sangka satu hari nanti, Transformers dapat lepak dengan minah secun Megan Fox.

#SayaGenerasi yang tiap2 hari lepas balik sekolah, ada ja benda nak photostat.

#SayaGenerasi yang sampai hari ni still tak tau macam mana nak spell photostat. 

#SayaGenerasi pakai pencil box yg ada built in sharpener, magnifying lense, secret compartment, separate area for erasers etc. high-tech wooooo!

#SayaGenerasi beli rubber sekupang, yang bawah putih ataih hijau, ada gambar bendera macam-macam negara.

#SayaGenerasi pisau lipat dua kupang (it wasn't considered a weapon back then)

#SayaGenerasi ponteng kelas tak kena marah dgn cikgu sebab bukannya buat benda jahat pun.

#SayaGenerasi tengok Alam Ria Cuti Sekolah kat TV3.

#SayaGenerasi baca komik Gila-Gila.

#SayaGenerasi Barisan Nasional memang sah2 akan sapu bersih every election. (miss those good ol' days)

#SayaGenerasi pecah kaca, pecah gelas, sudah baca, harap balas.

#SayaGenerasi pen merah, pen biru, you marah, i love you.

#SayaGenerasi hantar surat kat pen-pals.

#SayaGenerasi XXRay Aziz M. Osman was like the ultimate local sci-fi flick of that time (wait, it was the only local sci-fi flick of that time!)

#SayaGenerasi sapa pakai 3rd brake light tu kira poyo lah coz it still wasnt compulsory.

#SayaGenerasi tak kesah beratur time nak pakai public phone

#SayaGenerasi gayut dengan bf kat public phone

#SayaGenerasi tak kesah walaupun KRU nyanyi live hancur, still minat setengah gila.

#SayaGenerasi VHS

#SayaGenerasi iklan rokok melambak kat tv.

#SayaGenerasi airport KL international masih di subang.

#SayaGenerasi Wan Zaleha Radzi bercinta dengan Raja Nazrin.

#SayaGenerasi tv ada intisari rancangan.

#SayaGenerasi tengok Christine Ling, Rozina Bakar, Calvin Ong baca berita.

#SayaGenerasi kalau miss satu episod mana2 tv series, mmg kira miss lah sbb time tu torrent tak wujud lagi.

#SayaGenerasi baca novel ahadiat akashah (why, why??)

#SayaGenerasi Darlie was called Darkie

#SayaGenerasi paksa mak beli sustagen sbb nak jadi sustagen kids walaupun sustagen tu tak sedap langsung.

#SayaGenerasi kena kejar satu rumah bila mak nak suap scotts emulsion sbb masa tu belum ada flavour orange.

#SayaGenerasi dimana juri profesional utk pertandingan nyanyi kat TV cuma bagi markah diam2 dan tak bagi apa2 komen.

#SayaGenerasi Pilihan Bersama Radio Muzik punya song selections for the night akan keluar paper tiap2 hari.

#SayaGenerasi yang tak jemu2 tengok wile e coyote kejar road runner eventhough he never managed to tangkap burung tu.

#SayaGenerasi gary thanesan host game show Lingo kat RTM2.

#SayaGenerasi Wordstar 6.0 and Lotus 3.0

#SayaGenerasi shopping kat Hankyu Jaya

#SayaGenerasi when The Mall was the coolest shopping place in KL

#SayaGenerasi Deanna Yusof mempopularkan phrase "mereka dan keluarga mereka"

#SayaGenerasi yang ingat Professor Serba Tau tu memang tau everything.

#SayaGenerasi tiap2 hari sabtu tengok RTM1 rancangan Hiburan Minggu Ini

#SayaGenerasi masa @afdlinshauki artis RAP

#SayaGenerasi di mana Azwan Ali masih lelaki normal, tiap2 minggu host muzik2 on tv3

#SayaGenerasi yang siap boleh hafal semua lagu-lagu hit KRU.

#SayaGenerasi art class kat sekolah kena bawak ubi and water color, pas tu cop atas kertas lukisan.

#SayaGenerasi yg tiap2 minggu kat sekolah kena bawak kertas warna, manila kad, etc.

#SayaGenerasi tengok kak yong on tv.

#SayaGenerasi pergi sekolah mak bapak hantar sampai dalam kawasan sekolah.

#SayaGenerasi my name is Sam, S-U-E, Sam!

#SayaGenerasi yang takut nak masuk bilik mandi lepas tengok Freddie Krueger.

#SayaGenerasi berjaga tengah malam tengok Golden Girls.

#SayaGenerasi beli jeans brand LadyLike

#SayaGenerasi Grandy's, White Castle, McDota

#SayaGenerasi yang bercita-cita nak jadi one of the teenage mutant ninja turtles.

#SayaGenerasi boleh hafal every word to Fresh Prince of Bel Air's theme rap song.

#SayaGenerasi dirasuah dengan Care Bears bila kena suruh makan ubat.

#SayaGenerasi ALF

Now everyone can fly....

It used to be that going on overseas vacations were a luxurious matter, something only the well-to-do could afford. But since Air Asia came along, they brought along a new tagline, "Now everyone can fly." Indeed this is a good thing. Budget airlines are now thriving all over the world. Going on vacations these days are getting more and more affordable. 

It is also important to note that budget airlines are not only for vacations. You can also utilize it to get your sorry ass out of this country. To those who enjoy complaining, criticizing endlessly and whining about how this country is doing you grave injustice, kindly pack your bags, make sure your passport is in order, otherwise just visit this website: www.imi.gov.my

After your passport is in order, the next thing you must do is visit another website. I'm sure most of you are already frequent visitors to this site, so you definitely won't be facing any problems navigating around the website. If this is your first-time visit, don''t worry, the website is very user-friendly: www.airasia.com.my

And there you go, now you are ready to get your whiny little derriere out of this country. Air Asia is a good Malaysian product. Make full use of it. Stop whining about this country and move already.

Now everyone can fly what!!!!!!!

  

Call me Jon

I am not kidding. I have decided (for now, at least) to bring my new friend, Garfield inside the house, and adopting it for awhile. Even my mom found it hard to believe that I've developed an attachment to this cat. My own boyfriend smiles in amazement whenever I talk about the cat. He said that he knew the moment I started putting a makeshift box outside the house for the cat to sleep in, that I was sold. Hook, line and sinker.

I have never had a pet. 30 years of being on this planet and I never so much as owned a goldfish. But there was something about this little kitten. I'm still finding it hard to adjust to the excretion part, but I think I'll manage. At least, until I can find a better home for it. 

Although I am not letting it roam free inside the house (due to my allergies and asthma), the cat is now placed in my dry kitchen/laundry area. I've put a box for it to sleep in, and prepared a little kitty litter with sand and soil for it to do its "business" in. Earlier tonight, the cat got its first bath. He didn't seem to mind much. The freshness did him good I suppose, coz right after the bath, the little darling took a 2-hour nap! 

So right now, Garfield is adjusting to his new environment. Roaming about the laundry area, playing with a string I left there for his amusement, and exploring the brooms, mops and other stuff I keep back there. 

It feels kinda interesting to have another breathing being living in this house with me. I actually find myself talking to the little darling. Like he was a person. Call me crazy but I believe the little thing is beginning to understand my commands. Makan. Duk diam-diam. Jangan masuk dalam rumah. Stay. 

Sure beats talking to the wall.

There's a new cat in town....

Meet my new friend, Garfield. I've never been much of a cat person, only liked them from a distance, but this cute little kitten kept showing up outside my door. So one night I decided to give it some milk and nestum. The next day, it was still there. Wonder what happened to the mommy, coz this little darling is still a kitten, very tame and manja. I decided to partially adopt it, can't really keep it in the house, what with my allergies and asthma, and plus the fact that I can't stand any form of animal excretion. 

So yesterday, abang bought cat food for my new friend. Dia kata present for Garfield. :-) Alhamdulillah, Garfield loved the ProDiet cat food. So now Garfield lives outside my apartment door, in a little makeshift box I made for him, lined with a fluffy towel for comfort. He does go walking about, but he has managed to establish the box as his new home, and will return late at night.  

Perhaps I should find a nice home for Garfield. Anybody wanna adopt a cute little kitty? :-) 

Rest in peace....

My uncle passed away yesterday. My dad's younger brother.

To his family, know that destiny has its reasons.

My uncle, Akbar Shah, may Allah place you among the righteous and may your soul rest in peace. Amin. 

Debu Di Hati....

Today I decided to make a video for Debu Di Hati. For those of you who lived through the 80s in Malaysia, chances are you would have come across this song. It was part of the soundtrack for the movie Ali Setan. 

A little snippet on Ali Setan:

Year:

1986

Director: 

Tan Sri Jins Shamsuddin

Actors:

Azmil Mustapha, Ogy Ahmad Daud, Ebby Saiful, Shah Rezza, Liza Abdullah, Allahyarham Izi Yahya, Tan Sri Jins, Sheila Majid, etc.

Ali and Asmidar

Two songs came out from this movie to become huge hits. The first is Wajah Rahsia Hati, sung by Ogy Ahmad Daud, composed by Bob Khalil, lyrics by Habsah Hassan. The second is Debu Di Hati, composed by Azmi Abdul Rahman, also known as Cahaya Pena, lyrics also by Habsah Hassan.

Now who can forget that scene by the paddy fields? Where Ali sat with his guitar, singing Debu Di Hati (singing voice: Ebby Saiful). Although Wajah Rahsia Hati shared a bigger portion of the limelight, Debu Di Hati became somewhat of a cult hit. I for one was really in love with this song. I can't remember exactly when I first saw Ali Setan, but my guess would be somewhere in the late 80s. I must've been about 8 or 9 years old. And later on as I grew up, I would revisit the movie once in a while, and I remember really enjoying Debu Di Hati, perhaps even more so than Wajah Rahsia Hati. 

me circa 1986

Debu Di Hati was the first song by Azmi Abdul Rahman to get published. He started out writing as Azmi, but later on as he flourished more and more as a songwriter, he decided on a pen-name, from the late 80s onwards, Azmi was better known as Cahaya Pena. (For more on Cahaya Pena, visit http://cahayapena143.blogspot.com) A young man, new to the music industry at that time, he must not have expected Debu Di Hati to develop the kind of following it has today. But throughout the years, the song grew and grew, touching lives and staying in the hearts of its fans. 

I for one, never imagined that one fine day I would chance upon this man as I journey through life. And yet, our path crossed and as destiny would have it, we fell in love. 

Now, everytime i hear Debu Di Hati, or whenever I come across it on the internet, I get filled with a sense of pride. I'm proud of you Abang, always and forever.... 

Who needs Batman????

Last week I was wondering whether a reconciliation effort with a certain someone from my past should be made.

Should Batman & Batgirl become friends again?

I met Batman in 2007. Somehow, somewhere along the way, we went our separate ways. And ever since then I have been toying with the idea of making the first move to reconcile. Although to this day I have no idea what the hell went wrong. Sometimes the thought of seeing him again would come to mind and it would make me miss him so bad. Especially since I really sayang dia. At least he was somewhat of a good friend while the friendship lasted. 

However, after giving it much thought, I have decided that I am not going to make the first move. Particularly because I realized that I just couldn't be bothered anymore. I don't miss him anymore, I get pissed whenever I think about him, and I just really don't care. After all the things I did for him, bending over backwards sampai nak terbalik just to help him out, 3am airport drives, nighttime airport drives, early morning airport drives, midnight mcdonalds run, teman dia pi gunting rambut, masak dinner hantar pi kat dia, teman dia bukak puasa, hantar dia pi sana sini; and dia dengan senang-senang boleh throw away the friendship. So why should I make the first move? Sorry la, after much thought, I realize now that I am not interested to repair our friendship. We're better off this way. After all the love and care that I gave him, he feels that it is justified to chuck me aside, then so be it. Suka hati engkau lah, labu.

 I don't need you back in my life.

When sleep eludes me....

Mark Twain once said, "Drag your thoughts away from your troubles....by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it." However I say, "Easier said than done!" 

 "People gather bundles of sticks to build bridges they never cross." -unknown

I believe I was born with an added dose of worry genes. Which explains why I am up at 3am blogging for strangers on the net to read. It's no secret at this point that I've got a shitload of crap on my mind....talk about redundancy.......

"Lay your troubles on my shoulder, put your worries in my pocket,

rest your love on me awhile...."

My thoughts are mostly on the upcoming wedding. I pray to Allah that everything will go smoothly. I pray that it will all turn out as planned. We've both come very far since that fateful day 5 Ramadhans ago. I walked up the stairs to Wizardworks, and he opened the door. Of course at that point, neither of us could have guessed what life would have in store for us. It wasn't like I went to the studio to meet him. I didn't even know about him, much less to expect that I would meet the person I would soon fall in love with. And yet, life has a funny way of working itself out. From a shared ride to KLGCC for Tayangan Unggul's buka puasa, to late night coffees at the mamak, to dinners, to lunches, to movies, and eventually to each other's heart. Initially he was only supposed to be a rebound thing. At that time, I was still struggling to get over a previous relationship. The struggle was beginning to literally consume my sense of self. And then he came along. My light in the dark. 

I still remember the first day we met. I remember it like it just happened yesterday. After the buka puasa function at KLGCC, we headed to the Coffee Bean at Mont Kiara together with another mutual friend of ours. He told me he wrote songs. I asked, "Anything I've heard before?" He modestly answered, "I don't know if you've heard of Innuendo, but I co-wrote Selamanya." Have I heard of Innuendo?!?!? Have I heard of the best r&b group Malaysia has ever seen??!?! Have I?!?! Hell yeah! I did not really disguise my amazement, heck I wasn't even trying to. "You wrote Selamanya? Oh my God, that's like my favourite Innuendo song ever. I like it waaay more than Belaian Jiwa!" But even then, I didn't give him much thought at the start. I was pretty much preoccupied with the boyfriend I lost. I was afraid to even consider a new relationship. All I wanted was an avenue to forget. But somehow, life had other plans for me. He managed to open my heart. Somehow he managed to make me see that happiness did not desert me. And slowly, I fell for him. One day, I woke up and realized that the past was meant to stay where it belonged, in the past. I realized that it wasn't a rebound relationship that I wanted with him. As time went by, I realized that he was the one I had been looking for all this while. And here we are today. Still together, despite the bumps, despite the many twists and turns, we managed to stand strong.
  

That's not the only thing on my mind. My job hunt is also driving me nuts. Sometimes I feel like I have no idea what I want to do. Perhaps that is why I applied to do Law at UITM. Let's just say I'm going through a purpose-in-life crisis. Other than that, the foreigners in my building are driving me crazier by the minute. I don't care how you did things back in your country, but here, it is totally NOT acceptable for you to get drunk in your apartment and make a heck of a lotta noise at 3am. Perhaps the other neighbors are able to tolerate that, but not me. It just seems like they're suffering from a severe case of permanent jet-lag! I am also upset about the deteriorating state of the film industry. The stupidity of the opposition. The madness of Anwar Ibrahim, Karpal Singh, RPK etc. The whole debate about the Bukit Kepong tragedy. And the list goes on and on and on....

 

However, in the words of the very wise Charlie Brown, "I've developed a new philosophy....I only dread one day at a time." Words to live by, indeed.

So here's raising an imaginary glass to Snoopy's little buddy. 

The way we were....

No it doesn't fit the way it used to anymore.....  

 

But then why am I still thinking about you? 

It just doesn't fit anymore.

That funny, familiar, forgotten feeling....

Life is complicated. No matter how hard we try to not complicate matters, somehow it always ends up more twisted than when it started. Just like the saying, nothing in life comes easy. Cliched, I know. But that's the truth, pure and simple. However, Oscar Wilde once said that truth is rarely pure and never simple. And that takes us back to how complicated life can get. I haven't blogged about the philosophies of life in a while. I used to churn out these kind of things on a daily basis, but it's been a while.

Tonight I'm feeling a little queasy. Kinda like going on a hike. You enjoy the hike while you were hiking, but only the next day will your legs start to ache. That's how I'm feeling. A delayed reaction.

My yesterday's were all packed up and neatly put away, then suddenly a stroll down memory lane unraveled the box and slowly the mess of crap I took so long to contain started to seep out. The memories that I tried so hard to forget, because remembering would have consumed my sanity and leave me an empty shell. A shell of the person I once was. But I overcame. I met rock bottom and I managed to resurface. I found my way back after being lost for so long. Once upon a time, I survived a heartache so bad, I never thought I would make it. But here I am, stronger than ever. I learnt that all things happen for a reason. I learnt that time heals all wounds. I learnt that I can love again. I woke up one morning and suddenly the pain was gone. And in its place was light....

But tonight, I let myself get taken on a trip down memory lane. It was warm. It was familiar. But of course, something was different. I am no longer the person I was 5 years ago. A lot has changed since then. I have changed. Yet something stirred. I guess that is just how things are when you let yourself get carried away with what's familiar. Like that old Tom Jones song. But deep down you know that your yesterdays are exactly where they belong, all boxed up and neatly put away. Packed up but not entirely forgotten for memories make you who you are. You create memories and you carry them with you, they become a part of who you are, but they will always remain just as memories. 

Tonight, I let myself get lost just for a little bit. For a little stolen moment, I let myself remember. Only to be reminded again that things happen for a reason. Thank you for the memories. It brought me to where I am today. 

And then those funny familiar forgotten feelings started walking all over my mind.
It's sad, so sad to watch love go bad, but a true love would not have gone wrong.
I'm just thankful for the good times we've had for without them I could not go on,
   

 Good night, sweet dreams, sleep well.... 

men + women = a valium addiction

Men are simple creatures. They see a problem and rush to solve it. That is why when they realized they gave women stress, they invented valium. How very thoughtful!

valium should be as easily obtainable as cookies

As you can probably already make out, today's posting is about that species of the human race we women can't live without. At least, we straight women can't live without. 

Don't get me wrong, I am not writing about boyfriends or husbands or fiances or friends with benefits or whatever else you kids are calling it these days. I am writing about a different kind of man-woman relationship. The most complicated one there is actually; the platonic kind.

My posts are usually personal. I'm not very good at being removed from what I write, hence I seldom write about things I have no personal feelings about. Today I am toying with a certain kind of emotion, so I have chosen to unload it here for the world to see. Although how big exactly is the "world" that reads my blog, I don't really know. But to the few who happen to drop by, take it to mean that I am thinking of you as my collective therapists.  

Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined

Something has been bugging me. There is a man in my life whom I have not been in touch with for more than a year now. A man who was very close to me. A dear friend. However shit happened, and we went our separate ways. We were only friends, but I loved him dearly, like the big brother I never had. The only connection we share today is that I'm dating his best friend. 

I know, I know, this is beginning to sound like something out of an episode of The Bold and The Beautiful.

hands down the most pointless tv show in the history of the boob tube

But that's the reality of it. Now I've been going back and forth about making an attempt to reconcile. I honestly don't know whether I should or not. Perhaps I should just leave it be. So what if he never becomes a part of my life again. He was the one who decided to walk away.

Perhaps I should write him a letter. or an e-mail. or perhaps just a text message. Or maybe, just maybe, I should just say to hell with it.  

and i don't mean that in a kinky way

Snuffleupagas Che Wan

Today dah masuk raya ke-5. And yet I am still craving for more lemang, ketupat and rendang. Guess it's time to make a trip to Melawati and pay the Lord of the Lemang a visit.

 

As is the norm with TV shows on Raya, there'll be all sorts of programming the stations have to offer. But I guess the TV stations keep forgetting to vet these shows. Time Raya pun perlu ka ada cerita hantu nak raya? Malaysians seem to have an unhealthy fancy for bomoh/hantu/pontianak shows. Kalau you guys can match the standards of Ghost Whisperer ka takpa lah jugak. Ini make-up macam nak pergi a really cikai Halloween Party, takut ka letak bedak sekati, and darah yang sah-sah tomato sauce tu? When will you filmmakers learn that it's not in the makeup? Mat salleh kalau buat cerita hantu, perasan tak more often than not, hantu dia hot gila. And yet they manage to scare us. Kenapa kita masih di takuk lama? Kenapa mentaliti kita masih kena pakai make-up 3 kati tebal? 

Another thing, I was watching Anita Sarawak host a program called Astana something, interviewing Umie Aida and kak Nita kept calling Umie Aida, Datin. Anita Sarawak is a much more accomplished star than Umie Aida can ever dream to be, and older too. So kalau I jadi Umie, sure I akan rasa segan dipanggil Datin oleh seorang biduanita. I would definitely insist she call me by my name. Tapi ini tak, mentaliti mekap 3 kati membuatkan orang yang dah dapat title ni rasa yang makcik juai ikan pun kena panggil dia by his/her title. Please lah.

Lagi satu, I notice drama melayu sekarang siap pergi shooting kat Madrid. Yang shooting kat Tanjung Karang tu pun still tunggang langgang. Shooting kat overseas buat apa kalau masih stuck dengan mentaliti bulu mata palsu tu?

Berlakonnya tak kemana, bulu mata ja lebih.

snuffleupagus lagi tere berlakon!

Size doesn't matter....

I haven't blogged in a while.
I think I enjoy designing my blog more than I do writing in it.
Maybe coz I don't quite know how to blog pendek-pendek.
If I were to write, it would always have to be profound (konon!) and long.
So bila takdak mood, maka sengap lah blog ni.

But now I'm gonna try those short blogging methods.

I still say it's not me, but at least this blog won't remain dormant for months at a time.
Not to say that I have many readers, but to those who actually do stop by, hope you will find this new method enjoyable.