That funny, familiar, forgotten feeling....

Life is complicated. No matter how hard we try to not complicate matters, somehow it always ends up more twisted than when it started. Just like the saying, nothing in life comes easy. Cliched, I know. But that's the truth, pure and simple. However, Oscar Wilde once said that truth is rarely pure and never simple. And that takes us back to how complicated life can get. I haven't blogged about the philosophies of life in a while. I used to churn out these kind of things on a daily basis, but it's been a while.

Tonight I'm feeling a little queasy. Kinda like going on a hike. You enjoy the hike while you were hiking, but only the next day will your legs start to ache. That's how I'm feeling. A delayed reaction.

My yesterday's were all packed up and neatly put away, then suddenly a stroll down memory lane unraveled the box and slowly the mess of crap I took so long to contain started to seep out. The memories that I tried so hard to forget, because remembering would have consumed my sanity and leave me an empty shell. A shell of the person I once was. But I overcame. I met rock bottom and I managed to resurface. I found my way back after being lost for so long. Once upon a time, I survived a heartache so bad, I never thought I would make it. But here I am, stronger than ever. I learnt that all things happen for a reason. I learnt that time heals all wounds. I learnt that I can love again. I woke up one morning and suddenly the pain was gone. And in its place was light....

But tonight, I let myself get taken on a trip down memory lane. It was warm. It was familiar. But of course, something was different. I am no longer the person I was 5 years ago. A lot has changed since then. I have changed. Yet something stirred. I guess that is just how things are when you let yourself get carried away with what's familiar. Like that old Tom Jones song. But deep down you know that your yesterdays are exactly where they belong, all boxed up and neatly put away. Packed up but not entirely forgotten for memories make you who you are. You create memories and you carry them with you, they become a part of who you are, but they will always remain just as memories. 

Tonight, I let myself get lost just for a little bit. For a little stolen moment, I let myself remember. Only to be reminded again that things happen for a reason. Thank you for the memories. It brought me to where I am today. 

And then those funny familiar forgotten feelings started walking all over my mind.
It's sad, so sad to watch love go bad, but a true love would not have gone wrong.
I'm just thankful for the good times we've had for without them I could not go on,
   

 Good night, sweet dreams, sleep well.... 

men + women = a valium addiction

Men are simple creatures. They see a problem and rush to solve it. That is why when they realized they gave women stress, they invented valium. How very thoughtful!

valium should be as easily obtainable as cookies

As you can probably already make out, today's posting is about that species of the human race we women can't live without. At least, we straight women can't live without. 

Don't get me wrong, I am not writing about boyfriends or husbands or fiances or friends with benefits or whatever else you kids are calling it these days. I am writing about a different kind of man-woman relationship. The most complicated one there is actually; the platonic kind.

My posts are usually personal. I'm not very good at being removed from what I write, hence I seldom write about things I have no personal feelings about. Today I am toying with a certain kind of emotion, so I have chosen to unload it here for the world to see. Although how big exactly is the "world" that reads my blog, I don't really know. But to the few who happen to drop by, take it to mean that I am thinking of you as my collective therapists.  

Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined

Something has been bugging me. There is a man in my life whom I have not been in touch with for more than a year now. A man who was very close to me. A dear friend. However shit happened, and we went our separate ways. We were only friends, but I loved him dearly, like the big brother I never had. The only connection we share today is that I'm dating his best friend. 

I know, I know, this is beginning to sound like something out of an episode of The Bold and The Beautiful.

hands down the most pointless tv show in the history of the boob tube

But that's the reality of it. Now I've been going back and forth about making an attempt to reconcile. I honestly don't know whether I should or not. Perhaps I should just leave it be. So what if he never becomes a part of my life again. He was the one who decided to walk away.

Perhaps I should write him a letter. or an e-mail. or perhaps just a text message. Or maybe, just maybe, I should just say to hell with it.  

and i don't mean that in a kinky way

Snuffleupagas Che Wan

Today dah masuk raya ke-5. And yet I am still craving for more lemang, ketupat and rendang. Guess it's time to make a trip to Melawati and pay the Lord of the Lemang a visit.

 

As is the norm with TV shows on Raya, there'll be all sorts of programming the stations have to offer. But I guess the TV stations keep forgetting to vet these shows. Time Raya pun perlu ka ada cerita hantu nak raya? Malaysians seem to have an unhealthy fancy for bomoh/hantu/pontianak shows. Kalau you guys can match the standards of Ghost Whisperer ka takpa lah jugak. Ini make-up macam nak pergi a really cikai Halloween Party, takut ka letak bedak sekati, and darah yang sah-sah tomato sauce tu? When will you filmmakers learn that it's not in the makeup? Mat salleh kalau buat cerita hantu, perasan tak more often than not, hantu dia hot gila. And yet they manage to scare us. Kenapa kita masih di takuk lama? Kenapa mentaliti kita masih kena pakai make-up 3 kati tebal? 

Another thing, I was watching Anita Sarawak host a program called Astana something, interviewing Umie Aida and kak Nita kept calling Umie Aida, Datin. Anita Sarawak is a much more accomplished star than Umie Aida can ever dream to be, and older too. So kalau I jadi Umie, sure I akan rasa segan dipanggil Datin oleh seorang biduanita. I would definitely insist she call me by my name. Tapi ini tak, mentaliti mekap 3 kati membuatkan orang yang dah dapat title ni rasa yang makcik juai ikan pun kena panggil dia by his/her title. Please lah.

Lagi satu, I notice drama melayu sekarang siap pergi shooting kat Madrid. Yang shooting kat Tanjung Karang tu pun still tunggang langgang. Shooting kat overseas buat apa kalau masih stuck dengan mentaliti bulu mata palsu tu?

Berlakonnya tak kemana, bulu mata ja lebih.

snuffleupagus lagi tere berlakon!

Size doesn't matter....

I haven't blogged in a while.
I think I enjoy designing my blog more than I do writing in it.
Maybe coz I don't quite know how to blog pendek-pendek.
If I were to write, it would always have to be profound (konon!) and long.
So bila takdak mood, maka sengap lah blog ni.

But now I'm gonna try those short blogging methods.

I still say it's not me, but at least this blog won't remain dormant for months at a time.
Not to say that I have many readers, but to those who actually do stop by, hope you will find this new method enjoyable.

Stupid make-believe couples I used to worship

Kids are impressionable. They absorb their surroundings like a sponge. That's how it was for me. For some reason, my childhood was filled with all things romantic and lovey-dovey and mushy. Cotton candies in the air, and all that jazz. Here are some of the people who were responsible for making me believe that love is a beautiful, splendid thing, with rose petals lining up your path and heart shaped chocolates at every turn. Reality proved to be otherwise of course. So to these people, all I can say is, thank you, thank you very much (dripping with sarcasm, of course!).

Eden & Cruz from Santa Barbara

Eden Capwell and Cruz Castillo

http://santabarbara-online.com/EdenCruz2.htm

The soapies amongst you out there would definitely recognize this couple. The ever romantic and loving Eden Capwell and Cruz Castillo. I think I was about 12 when I started watching Santa Barbara. And I remember being head over heels in love with these two. And of course, the seeds were planted, that someday I too will chance upon my very own Cruz Castillo. In the words of Mr Scrooge, bah humbug!

Dylan & Brenda from Beverly Hills, 90210

Dylan McKay and Brenda Walsh

http://bd.one-more-night.net/

Those who were teenagers in the 90s would definitely recognize this TV couple. Some hated them, some loved them. Being the romantic person that I am, of course I was rooting for these two to stay together. I thought they were the most romantic thing since sliced bread (hmmm?). Anyway, point is, or rather was, I wanted my very own Dylan someday. Brooding bad boy. Charming yet living life on the wild side. Bladiblabla. 

Mike & Kate from Growing Pains

Mike Seaver and Kate McDonald

http://www.superiorpics.com/kirk_cameron/

Mike Seaver. The eldest child in the Seaver family. Cute, funny, curly hair. The ultimate 80s heartthrob. And then along came Kate. Adorable, witty, lovely. And we all rooted for them. Of course, this is one TV couple who made it all the way to reality as well. Kirk and Chelsea are still married today, running some foundation together, and have a bunch of adopted kids. The not so glitzy version of Brad and Angelina. Sure, the fact that they actually ended up together in real life doesn't quite help things! You would expect your life to run just as smoothly! Especially after spending most of your childhood watching the Seavers on tele!

 Rita & Chris from Silk Stalkings

Rita Lance and Chris Lorenzo

http://silkpage.tripod.com/ 

As much as I was into romantic shows, I was also a fan of cop shows. And where there's a combination of both elements, let's just say I found it hard to resist watching them. Rita and Chris defined the sexual tension, she loves me, she loves me not thing that Hollywood is so fond of. And we the audience keep watching, rooting for the two to get together. I was in love with that idea. The idea of finding a soulmate in your friend. Actually my second relationship was just like that. Too much TV, I must say. Of course when it's in real life, it doesn't quite work out as flawlessly as it does on TV. But back then, I would stay glued to the set, hoping for them to get together because somewhere deep down I believed that if they got together, someday I will find my soulmate too. Until life taught me that soulmates are just a load of crap.

Jesse & Becky from Full House

Jesse and Becky Katsopolis

http://www.fanpop.com/spots/full-house

When Full House hit our shores, we were all in love with Michelle Tanner. So was I, she, I mean they were cute! But I was also in love with John Stamos and Lori Loughlin, playing the loving couple Uncle Jesse and Becky. And loving them just further fueled my aspirations to find love just like theirs someday. The me today is already gagging as I'm typing this down. 'Nuff said.

Nancy & Ned from The Nancy Drew Adventures

 http://www.nancydrewsleuth.com/nd101.html

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Nancy-Drew-and-Ned-Nickerson-/112189695484532

Besides Enid Blyton, Nancy Drew was something that I carried with me all through my growing up years. I remember at one point of my very young teenage life, I was wondering what would I do if one day I finished reading all of the books in this series. What will I read then? How will I go on? Yup that was how much of a bookworm I was. The only thing I read these days are the programme info on Astro. Anyway, I learnt 2 things from Nancy Drew. The first was that I really love crime solving stuff, and the second was that true love comes in the form of Ned Nickerson. Ned was Nancy's boyfriend, and he would sometimes pitch in to help her solve crimes as well. I was really envious of how strong and handsome Ned was. And how he would always worry about Nancy. Bladiblabla. And again, another couple entered my point of reference as to what constitutes love and relationships. Where are Ned and Nancy now? In my cabinet at home, collecting dust. Actually the same can be said about my quest for love. Hmm.....

Rhett & Scarlett from Gone With the Wind

http://www.jbreck.com/ScarlettRhett.html

Do I have to say more? This was the ultimate sexual tension couple of the big screen. They fought, they yelled, they called each other names, and yet both were still so drawn to each other. Made me want to find my own carpetbagger, I mean Rhett Butler. All in all, I blame Hollywood. Joni Mitchell was right after all. It's love's illusions I recall, I never really knew love....at all.

Stop The Desecration

I never met the man. Never knew him personally. I was born 8 years and 2 months after he breathed his last breath. Yet I miss him. Yet I long to see him. Yet I love him. For the sole reason that he is an artiste in all sense of the word. A legend. A gifted genius who crafted not for the money or for fame. He did it for the love of the arts. Allahyarham Tan Sri P.Ramlee. May he rest in peace.

I grew up listening to his music. According to my father, there was a time as a little girl where I could sing a huge amount of P.Ramlee's tunes from memory. I grew up watching his movies. And even as a child, I knew that this man was extraordinary. Like the lyrics from a Vonda Shepard song, “No we've never met, but I know him by heart.”

He died in 1973. He died a broken man. His spirit was trampled upon by those who were envious. His heart shattered into pieces by his own country. He was afraid that people had already forgotten him, and that soon he will be completely erased from memory, his songs won't be played anymore, his movies will no longer be screened. This was a man with a big heart. A man who set the stage for Malaysian cinema and music. Little did he know that his wish to live for a thousand years will indeed come true.

P.Ramlee was a meticulous man, a stickler for details, a director who paid attention even to the extras in his movies. How was it that his own country turned him down? Why didn't RTM accord him the attention befitting a man of his stature? They pushed him down, and when he was already down, they kicked him. Hard. Looks like the jokes are on those who despised him back then, those who bore nothing but contempt for him, those who turned their backs on him, those who underhandedly discredited him. Where are they now? Gone and forgotten yet remembered as the devils who made P.Ramlee suffer. But this man lives on. This legendary superstar is lifted to a position no other Malaysian artiste will ever enjoy.

It has been 37 years since he left us. And this year ASTRO decided to do another tribute for the great legend. Alhamdulillah, I applaud the effort. However good intentions usually get tarnished by its sloppy execution. And that was the case with 2010's tribute. The screening of his films on Astro Ria, Prima, Warna and Citra was good, of course. Only P.Ramlee's films can be seen over and over again without inciting boredom. The concert however, was a colossal disaster. It was called Di Mana Kan Ku Cari Ganti. One of his songs that remains evergreen to this day, and until the end of time. God knows who directed the concert. I would love to meet him/her and give that person a piece of my mind (and one of my shoes as well). Datuk Ahmad Nawab said it loud and clear, “Lagu-lagu P.Ramlee jangan dimodenkan.” But no, these buffoons thought it proper to mangle the arrangements of P.Ramlee's classics and invite indie groups to belt them out. Even the other singers who weren't indie spoiled the tunes they carried out. From Misha Omar to Ning Baizura to Sharifah Aini to Atilia. But the worst had to be the Indie's renditions. I almost had a heart attack when I heard Bunkface deface Malam Ku Bermimpi. It was horrible. A nightmare. An agony. All I can say is, anyone who says that they enjoyed Bunkface's rendition is not a P.Ramlee fan at all. They can claim to being a P.Ramlee fan but the fact remains, they're not. Because no true fan of P.Ramlee would have agreed to that distasteful arrangement. They turned that beautiful ballad into a rock/heavy metal bullshit, I almost expected to see a dead goat being slaughtered somewhere on stage. Some may say that I am taking this a bit too far, but I am a true P.Ramlee fan. And I adamantly insist that P.Ramlee's songs should be left as is. And another thing that bugged me, why wasn't Musly involved? And what about the veterans? Why the hell was Rozita Che Wan, Rosnah Md Aris and Nora Danish selected to re-enact a scene from Madu Tiga? And since when the character of Hasnah from Madu Tiga spoke with a northern accent? Rozita Che Wan decided to inject her own brand of humor into it? Doesn't she know that she looked ridiculous doing it? Someone tell her to keep her alleged improvisational skills where it belongs, the same place where her talent belongs, in a junkyard.

And now comes the horror of INDIEpretasi. These independent singers have decided to come out with their “tribute” to the great legend by re-recording a number of his classics. Indie artistes like Yuna, Azlan and his friggin' Typewriter, and a host of other singers have re-arranged P.Ramlee's songs and are shamelessly calling it a “tribute”. All I see is a bunch of nit-wits who have no creativity of their own, instead they mangle up great classics and are ballsy enough to call it a “tribute”. I had the misfortune of listening to Yuna's rendition of Itulah Sayang on YouTube. Let's just say it was too horrifying for words.

The tribute picked up with the documentary that was screened over the History Channel. Kudos to Shuhaimi Baba for a job well done. The rare footages made the documentary a gem to treasure. I was teary-eyed throughout the entire documentary. Of course I do believe that some of the things were somewhat unnecessary especially since there is no way of determining the truth of some of the stories, namely the alleged lover story. I don't think it was mentioned in any of P.Ramlee's previous biographies and to see it surface over History Channel was somewhat disconcerting. But then again, what do I know about his love life? I found it weird that some prominent veterans who were detrimental to the regaling of P.Ramlee's life story were not interviewed, especially since they are still alive; namely Rosnani Jamil, Jamil Sulong and perhaps S.Shamsuddin (if his health permits).

I had a couple of issues regarding the documentary though. Why was it only screened on the History Channel? Rais Yatim couldn't afford to ensure that it got screened on terrestrial channels as well? For the whole nation to see? Since when did P.Ramlee become exclusively for History Channel subscribers? Another way for ASTRO to make more money in order to compensate its pending lawsuit regarding the whole B.Yond debacle? That documentary should have been screened for the whole of Malaysia to see. My other issue is with the rare footages. I believe they now belong to Arkib Negara and RTM. I could be wrong though. But if they do belong to those two agencies, then what the hell have they been doing with it so far? Why was it never released for the whole nation to see? P.Ramlee is to be remembered by all, not by certain exclusive parts of the society. The same thing was apparent for the tribute concert. It was a tribute “syok sendiri”. Some upper crust elitist probably who thought that they know more than the rest of us hence giving them the right to mutilate the works of the great legend.

All in all, P.Ramlee will indeed live for a thousand years and more despite attempts to desecrate his masterpieces in the name of “tribute”.

STOP THE DESECRATION.

Don't make me....

To a certain woman whom I despise so terribly much (I'm sure you know who you are), I just want you to know that what I feel like doing right now is give you a HUGE TIGHT SLAP right across your face. Your childishness is truly irritating the crap outta me. Balik la to your other negara cepat-cepat sikit!

Thank you.